Can't Fight This Feeling
by Leora Condour
Summary: Dean meets a priest named Castiel who is 'a shepherd looking for a flock'. But what happens when Castiel finds himself following a different path? Destiel. AU mechanic!Dean and priest!Castiel. Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So this is my first fic in a loooonnnnnggggg time, please be kind. I've read a TON of amazing Destiel fics on here and they've helped to inspire this AU fic! The setting is in RL Lawrence, KS. If you happen to be like me and know of the actual city, I will do my best to give a realistic view of it through this fic. I also have to say I'm surprised I haven't found a fic that has Castiel as a priest (yet anyway). I have him following a close to Catholic style faith. I do not intend to insult anyone with any of my references to this faith. Remember, it's an AU, for all we know this could be how things roll in this universe :p. Anyway, please R&R, I'd love to hear from you!

Disclaimer: I do not own SPN.

OoO~

 _How can it possibly be this hot so early into summer?_ Dean thought to himself as he re-angled his elbows deep into an old Toyota truck. Even though the garage had three shop fans going on full blast, sweat still trickled down his forehead and into his eyes. Dean groaned at the brief thought of just how hot it would be in the next few months when summer was fully upon Lawrence, Kansas.

Dean stepped back and shut the hood on the truck, blowing a huff of air out as he reached for his handkerchief and wiped at his forehead. He moved to driver's seat where he had set the customer's keys and turned the ignition over. The truck roared to life after a few short sputters, causing a triumphant grin to crack across his face. It was small moments like this that Dean loved. He couldn't wait to see the customer's smile as they got their truck back good as new.

"You get that thing going I see." Bobby, the garage's owner, mumbled as he walked toward Dean, wiping the grease from his own hands with a shop rag. He had been doing the last oil change/maintenance check for the day.

Dean's cocky grin grew as he shut off the truck, "Did you doubt me, Bobby?"

Bobby 'hmphd' a reply and shook his head as he turned to the office, Dean catching him muttering something about him being an 'idjit'. Bobby had been a good friend of Dean's dad for as long as he could remember. After his dad passed, Bobby had filled in the missing portion in his and his brother Sam's lives. Hell, the boys always made sure to take him out to eat every father's day. Despite his gruff attitude, both boys knew that he loved them just as much as they loved him, if not more.

Bobby paused, turning back to Dean, "When's Sam getting to town again?"

"Not for a week still. Don't worry, I'll let Sammy know you're getting your panties in a bunch." Dean grinned after the man, following behind him. Sam was going to be headed home soon from Stanford for the summer. He would have a few online courses, but was looking forward to generally relaxing in his hometown. Not to mention that the instinctual need Dean had to visually be able to see his brother was alright would finally be quelled.

Bobby's familiar frown graced his face, "Boy, don't make me tan your hide." his hollow threat only made Dean chuckle in return.

After he clocked out Dean couldn't wait to get into the AC of his baby, a beautiful '67 Chevy Impala. It had been his dad's and Dean made sure to keep it in pristine condition. He quickly dove into the driver's seat, turned the car over, and fired up the AC to max, waiting to pull out of the parking lot until the air had become at least somewhat cool.

The garage was to the south east of Lawrence, thankfully a good distance from downtown so Dean didn't have to put up with much 5 o'clock traffic on his return to his apartment. So Dean was surprised to see a white van pulled over on the side of the road about a third of the way on his drive home. He instinctually slowed, scoping out the situation. He could see a figure leaned down by passenger's side of the van.

Dean slowed and pulled over a few yards ahead of the van. He groaned at himself some for being a good samaritan, it was depriving him of being in the comfort of his apartment with even better AC than his baby.

Dean waited for a few cars to fly on down the highway before he got out. When he turned to walk down the shoulder of the road he could see the figure clearer now. _Oh wow, really? That outfit has got to be killing him in this heat…_ Dean thought to himself as he sized up the poor man in front of him.

The man was knelt down next to the apparent flat tire with a tire iron tucked under his arm as he massaged his hands. He wore black pants and long sleeve black shirt. The man ran a hand through his short black hair before aligning the tire iron against one of the lug nuts and starting to try and unscrew them.

"Sir, do you need any help?" Dean asked as he approached the stranger.

The man turned and Dean's breath caught. Not only was the guy _insanely_ handsome, he had some of the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen in his life. Dean averted his eyes quickly so as not to be staring directly into them when he took in what exactly he was wearing.

 _Oh shit, he's a priest?!_

Dean was not a religious man, but he inwardly thought to himself how sinful it was that no one else had stopped to help this poor guy yet.

The priest stood and sighed, "Well, I've been trying to get this tire off without any luck…" He looked back at Dean, locking those deep cerulean eyes on him again making his heart stutter, "I would greatly appreciate assistance."

Dean cleared his throat that had somehow gone dry on him, "W-well I'm glad I came across you, padre. Just so happens I work down at the garage back there. Tire's are no big for me." Dean nodded toward the direction of Bobby's garage.

The look of relief that fell over the man's features made Dean grin, "Oh thank the Lord!" The man moved back to allow Dean to walk over and take over. When Dean knelt in front of the tire, the man followed suit to his side. Dean tried to keep his nerves down as he watched him from the corner of his eye. He was transfixed on Dean's hands as they gripped the tire iron.

"What's your name?" The man suddenly asked, startling Dean a bit as he strained against the tire iron.

"Dean…You?" he replied through gritted teeth. The lug nut finally moved and Dean began to unscrew it.

"My name is Castiel." The priest took a brief moment to wipe his hand on his slacks before offering it to Dean. Dean turned to look up at those intense eyes again, smiling despite his nerves as he shook the man's hand.

"Well, padre, one lug nut down, three to go." Dean said, taking the first lug nut out and setting it to the side.

He heard Castiel give a short cough, "Well, not quite." Dean turned to see Castiel lightly tapping at the collar of his shirt, where Dean now noticed that there was not the usual white collar. "For now I'm simply a shepherd looking for a flock of my own."

Dean nodded, mentally biting back a joke along the lines of women flocking to him, Castiel being ridiculously good looking and all, but he knew that that might just be slightly distasteful. Dean noted that on the side of the van in gold letters it read 'St. Matthew's Church' along with an address that had become too faded to quite make out, but Dean thought it read somewhere in Virginia. "But what about St. Matthew's?" Dean asked as he worked the next lug nut out.

"That was where I graduated from. I still need to find an ordinary bishop."

Dean's quizzical look made Castiel smile at him, Dean wishing he hadn't done that since it only made his hands sweatier as they worked the tire iron.

"As in a bishop who can ordain me."

"O-oh! I gotcha. For a minute there I thought you meant that most bishops weren't normal." Dean chuckled, finally getting the last lug nut off.

Castiel scooted closer to Dean to aid in lifting the tire off the axel, "Well, in my experience…" Castiel laughed.

 _Damn, even a great laugh…_ Dean mentally mused as they finished swapping tires. He did his best to avoid being blinded by the bright smile Castiel gave once they both stood up and gazed at the new tire. Castiel turned to him and placed a hand on his left shoulder, "Thank you so much, Dean. If you wouldn't have come along I would still be out in this terrible heat."

Dean gazed over at the setting sun and took in the heat that seemed to be magnified about this time of day, "Speaking of, I know a great place to cool off just up the road. It's called the Roadhouse, best burgers this side of the state. You could follow me." He scuffed his boot on the gravel, trying his damndest to act nonchalant.

"Thank you, Dean. I could use a break from this." Castiel nodded, waving a hand in reference to the weather. He moved to return to the driver's side of his van.

As Dean walked back to his Impala he took a deep breath. _Damn, today is turning out to be great_ he thought as he got in and took off toward the Roadhouse.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry for the super long awaited update! I've got a whole plan for this fic and so I'm quadruply checking it over before I post to assure its quality. That and, you know, those silly things called life and work and all. Pfft.

Anyway, I hope to have the next chapter up soon. Happy reading! Please r&r!

OoO~

Castiel angled the cumbersome van into a parking spot within a few stalls of Dean's Impala. _Thank the Lord for kind strangers_ he thought to himself as he parked the behemoth of a vehicle that had become his mobile home for nearly the last month. He had been on his way to a small church in western Kansas that a cardinal had told him was in desperate need of a priest when his tire had blown. Between Virginia and Kansas he had been able stay at either churches or convents, thankful that God had guided him to such places and that they were so accepting of his journey and his situation. Some of the parishes he had visited were kind enough to have donated money to him for his cause, so he did have some cash, but he did his best to work for his room and board in most places, be it physical work or spiritual.

Castiel hopped out of the van and shut the door, glancing over to see Dean exiting his car, taking a moment to appreciate how handsome his roadside savior was. His short, dirty blonde hair was starting to droop some in the heat of the day. He wore a faded, worn pair of jeans that some might deem sinful as they hugged the man in best of ways. He left his garage uniform shirt open to reveal a lightly grease and oil stained white tee underneath. But what had struck Castiel was the sharp, warm green eyes that shone so bright when Dean smiled. _He must make some woman insanely happy…_ Castiel thought, shaking his thoughts away as he moved toward Dean.

Dean gestured to the worn building, "I hope you're hungry, this place'll sure hit the spot. And you've _got_ to try Ellen's pie." They both started toward the entrance, Castiel trying not to become too distracted by Dean's smile.

"Thank you again for pointing me in the direction of such a-" Castiel started as they entered. As the bell on the door jingled after they entered he took in the 'rustic' atmosphere. The interior reminded him of what he had always imagined a biker bar to look like. Old, dusty neon signs hung on the walls advertising multiple brands of alcohol. Off to the left were three pool tables where a pair of people were shooting a game as they stepped in. The booths and tables were on the right side of the building with about four groups of people talking over plates of food. In the middle was the extensive looking bar where a couple of gentleman nursed dark beer bottles. A jukebox in the corner currently played an old Willie Nelson song. Castiel turned to Dean, seeing the man look back at him, those emerald eyes searching, "fine establishment."

An older blonde woman behind the bar had looked up upon their entrance and smiled at Dean, "Well look what the cat drug in!" she called, a few of the patrons turning their attention to Dean and Castiel.

Dean waved at the customers, some nodding towards him in acknowledgment, returning his smile before going back to what they were doing. "Hey, Ellen. How's everything?" He walked over toward the bar and leaned across it to give the woman a one arm hug that she gleefully returned.

"Oh same old, same old." She said, pulling back to give Dean a once over. She then noticed Castiel standing still by the entrance, "And who did you bring with you?"

Dean motioned for Castiel to come over to the bar, "This is Castiel, he had a flat up the road and needed a good burger."

Castiel offered Ellen his hand, "Hello, Ellen."

She raised an eyebrow at the offered hand but returned the shake, surprising Castiel with the strength she gave it, "Hey, Castiel. What brings you to Lawrence?"

"Just passing through." Castiel smiled.

"Well how 'bout you boys take that booth over there and Jo will be right with 'ya." Ellen nodded toward a booth in the far corner. Dean turned toward it, Castiel following in tow.

"Oh, and tell Jo I want the usual!" Dean called over the jukebox. Ellen nodded in acknowledgement.

They sat down at the booth where Castiel noticed the small menus were already set. Dean simply slid his to the side as Castiel picked his up and glanced over it. It was a simple, basic bar menu with fries (chili, curly, or waffle), burgers, and other easy to fry appetizers.

"Sorry about that, just had to say hi to Ellen." Dean said, glancing down at the table and adjusting his roll of silverware.

"It's no problem, Dean." Castiel smiled back at him, scanning the menu.

"I've known Ellen since I was a kid. Her daughter Jo-" Dean started, cut off when a young blonde girl walked over to their booth, "Speak of the devil."

The girl grinned at Dean, setting a chilled beer down next to him, "Heya Dean. How was work?"

"Great. Castiel, this is Jo, Ellen's daughter." Dean introduced Castiel. He sat his menu down and looked up at their waitress. She turned her dark brown eyes to Castiel, he realized just how much she resembled her mother.

"Hello, Jo." Castiel nodded toward her.

Jo seemed to suddenly become entranced with her notepad, obviously avoiding looking at Castiel, "Wh-what can I get you?"

Castiel slid the menu to the side of the table, "I'll have the cheeseburger with a side of waffle fries. And if I could have a glass of water, please."

Jo finished writing down the order and nervously tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, "I-I'll have that right out, Castiel." She then hurried off to the kitchen.

Dean's eyes had followed Jo but he turned back to Castiel and tried his best to stifle a laugh, "Wow, and I thought she had the hots for me?"

Castiel blinked in confusion, not quite understanding what Dean was getting at. Dean finally let his laugh free, causing Castiel to look away in an attempt to hide his flushed cheeks.

Dean took a pull from his beer, "But seriously, I bet you have to practically shake the women off of you."

Castiel gave a short laugh, "Usually the get up takes care of that. The only women I have to worry about are nuns. And I'm more worried about their chastising than anything else."

Castiel could feel his own lips pull up at the sight of Dean's stunning smile as he laughed, "Good one, padre." Dean set his bottle back down and spun it absentmindedly in his hand, "I was gonna ask how you had managed to make it this far from Virginia of all places…" Emerald eyes flicked toward him, "If you don't mind me asking, that is."

"The Lord guided me to many a kind parish. I've worked my way though most states; working odd jobs, aiding church functions, whatever needed to be done."

Dean's eyebrows shot up, "Wow, you're one lucky man to find so many kind people."

Castiel nodded, "God has sure intervened many times in my life. I am lucky to have made it this far unscathed." Castiel prayed that Dean hadn't caught the brief clenching of his fist that he couldn't hold back as small glimpses of his past ever so briefly flipped through his mind. A quick scan of Dean's face seemed to assure him that he hadn't noticed.

Jo returned with Castiel's water, silently sliding it toward him and avoiding eye contact. Both the men turned to each other and chuckled a little at Jo's shyness.

"Thank you again, Dean, for stopping to help me." Castiel took a long drink of his water.

"Aw, forget about it. I'm just surprised no one had stopped before me." Dean replied, focusing on starting to peel the corner of his beer's label off.

Castiel set his glass down and cleared his throat quietly, "Um, Dean, do you know of any cheap hotels around this area?"

Dean's brows furrowed, "You need somewhere to stay?"

Castiel nodded, "I'd like to find somewhere that isn't too expensive. I've only had the chance to wash so many dishes…" He gave a small smile at his own joke.

Dean took another long drink from his beer before he replied, "If…If you need somewhere to stay…"

It was at that moment that Jo came up with their plates, Dean's usual being a triple-decker bacon burger and chips. Dean started to dig into his plate, apparently forgetting where he was going with what he was originally saying.

Castiel took a tentative bite of his burger. His eyes widened at the intense delicious taste of the burger, "My goodness, Dean, this is delectable!"

Dean grinned past his mouthful of his own burger, swallowed, and replied with a simple "Told 'ya."

They both finished off their burgers in a respectable silence as they internally praised the cattle that had brought them such a delicious meal. When they were both finished Castiel watched as Dean looked up to Ellen who met his gaze. He lifted his beer bottle and tapped it and then flashed the number two in her direction. She nodded and turned to call something back to the kitchen through the window behind the bar. He turned back to Castiel, "Hope you got room for pie."

Castiel couldn't help but smile back at Dean, the man's rich green eyes were simply captivating in the way they glowed in the sun light that shone through the windows. Castiel had turned to look out at the setting sun, his mind stuttering to a stop at the beauty.

"I heard somewhere that Kansas is rated second in the nation in sunsets…" Dean mused. Castiel hadn't realized his jaw had gone slack at the sight of the purple, pink, and sunburst orange tie dyed sky. He quickly composed himself and cleared his throat, taking a quick drink of his water.

"Sorry, I just…it just amazes me how beautiful nature can be." Castiel admitted.

Dean's eyes were turned toward their window, scanning the clouds, "I know what you mean." He paused briefly, Castiel trying to ignore the way the reflected sunset sky magnified the brilliant hues in Dean's eyes, "I've gotten a few good photos of the sunsets around here. One even made the KDWPT magazine's shot for Clinton Lake."

Castiel's brows furrowed, "KDWPT?"

"Sorry, the Kansas Department of Wildlife, Parks, and Tourism. They have a magazine they put out every so often that shows what events and such are going on at the parks, preserves, and sanctuaries around the state. Clinton Lake is outside town and there's always stuff going on around there. I was fishing one evening and happened to have my camera on me. I showed my buddy, Benny, the shot I took and he mentioned sending it online to KDWPT. I thought 'Why not?' and was surprised that they took it."

The clattering of two plates stirred Castiel from listening to Dean. Two slices of cherry pie were set in front of them by Ellen. "Made fresh this morning. I'd offer it a la mode, but we just ran out of ice cream." Ellen smiled at the two.

"Damn, that would have made it perfect." Dean tsked in mock disappointment.

Ellen rolled her eyes as she walked away from them. Dean barely held back, Castiel having to stifle back a laugh as it seemed like Dean unhinged his jaw and nearly swallowed the slice of pie whole. Castiel took his approach to his slice a little more delicately, pulling out his fork from his silverware roll and taking his first bite. Dean was right, it was the best pie he had ever had in his entire life.

Dean grinned between his chewing and then swallowed, "T-told you it was great pie. Am I right?"

Castiel brought his napkin to his mouth, realizing he must have made a strange face in his reaction to the delicious pie, "Um, yes. It's the greatest pie I've ever had the pleasure of tasting."

That dazzling smile was too bright for Castiel, he had to look away. A spot of red caught his eye though. He lifted a finger, motioning to his own lower lip, "Uh…Dean?"

Dean blinked, then realized what Castiel was referring to. He grabbed his own napkin and wiped at his own lip, drawing back a cherry filling stained napkin. Castiel bit the inside of his cheek, doing his best to ignore the endearing blush that rose on Dean's freckled cheeks.

They finished off the pie and Ellen had come back by with the check. Despite his best protesting, Castiel lost his chance to pay the bill, Dean deeming that he was overdue for a donation to the church.

Castiel couldn't hold back a chuckle, "Well, Dean, if you need to do some confessing…"

Dean flashed that bright, killer smile of his and shook his head, "Oh, padre, there isn't enough 'Hail Mary's' in the world needed for my sins." Castiel thought his heart had stopped briefly when Dean flashed him a quick wink as they got up to leave.

"Thank you again for everything. If you ever need any-" Castiel started as they walked out of the Roadhouse, Dean waving a goodbye to Ellen.

Dean clapped Castiel on the shoulder, "Nah, don't worry about it."

Castiel stopped in front of his van, remembering that he didn't have any idea where he was spending the night. He sighed and turned back to face Dean, who seemed to have taken a sudden interest in his shoe, or the curb.

"Um, Dean? Do you know the nearest hotel or motel?"

Dean's eyes flicked back up to him, "Hote-Oh shit, you need somewhere to stay! Hold that thought." Dean raised a single finger, signaling Castiel to wait. He felt his brows furrow as he watched Dean slip a cell phone out of his pocket and make a call. He had taken a few paces away from Castiel as whoever he had called answered. Castiel couldn't make out the conversation, but watched as Dean's conversation quickly phased from calm, to heated, and then to exasperated. When he turned around he slid the phone back into his pocket and nodded toward Castiel, "Follow me, I got a place for you for the night."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for the delay, I swear I do have this planned out though! I'm actually about to start on the next chapter as soon as I upload this. And thank you for those who have favorited/followed/reviewed so far! I'm glad to see that this fic is getting some love. Thank you!

OoO

Dean knew he owed Benny, but surely this covered that drunken night with the cheerleaders a few months back. As much fun as that had been, dealing with the police and a whole crew of worried sorority sisters at two am wasn't. In his opinion Benny owed _him_.

Dean made sure to slow his driving so as not to unintentionally lose Castiel. After living in Lawrence for as long as he had the windy side streets became second nature. Soon they had arrived at Dean and Benny's apartment complex, Pinnacle Woods. Baby looked almost like she belonged here, the higher priced apartments being home to some of the better off KU students and single "doctors, lawyers, and indian chiefs" as Benny had put it. Dean and Benny had lived there a little over a year now sharing a three bedroom two bath apartment. Dean's garage gig and his occasional shifts at the Roadhouse along with Benny's phlebotomy job at Lawrence Memorial and rotating bouncer gigs keeping them afloat.

Dean slid into his parking stall and watched as Castiel maneuvered his van into the closest guest stall he could. The priest rolled his window down, actually moving a crank showing just how old the van was, as Dean got out of the Impala.

"This is the place. I talked to Benny already and you're cleared for a few nights at least." Dean said as he walked toward Castiel's van.

The dark haired man's eyes were wide as he took in the apartment complex. "Must be a lot of business at your garage."

Dean grinned at the comment, "Well, perks of a college town I guess." He thumbed to the back of the van, "Need help with anything?"

Castiel shut off the van and opened the door, cranking the window back in place, "I have a few things I-" Dean had already moved to the back of the van and was opening the two large back doors. He heard Castiel shut his door and come around as he took in the stock, or lack thereof, of what was in the back of the van. There was a cargo sized suitcase, a single smaller suitcase, and…

Dean's brows met in confused shock. It was then that he felt a firm but comforting hand grab a hold of his shoulder and a soft breath fall across his neck. Dean's eyes slid over to see Castiel's rich blue one meet his.

"Y-you play guitar?" Dean asked, hating that he couldn't keep his voice totally steady.

Castiel's hand on Dean's shoulder gave a small squeeze before he let go and gently pushed past Dean to retrieve the small suitcase and the guitar, "Well I wouldn't rightfully have one if I didn't, now would I?"

Dean laughed, taking a few steps back and tried to regulate his heart rate from Castiel's brief physical contact, "I guess not."

Castiel stepped back, carrying the two items, allowing Dean to shut the back doors, "Pack light?"

"This is everything I own." Castiel said matter-of-factly.

Dean briefly narrowed his gaze, looking into the van windows and back at Castiel, "That's it?" He instantly regretted how awful sounding that had come across as. The guilty feeling wrenched his heart tighter at the flash of pain across Castiel's face.

"Ever since I joined the faith I've…traveled a lot," he attempted a smile, "that kind of life doesn't lend itself to much material possession accumulation."

"Sorry, it's just…Well shit, I feel like a pack rat now." Dean softly chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. He turned, fiddling with his keys to get his apartment key and to help distract him from his disappointment at himself for upsetting Castiel.

As they walked around the building toward Dean and Benny's place, Dean let his mind wander back to the Roadhouse. He couldn't shake the moan Castiel had made and the look of pure enjoyment Castiel had shown at having his slice of cherry pie. _You shouldn't have such dirty thoughts about a man of the cloth, Dean!_ Dean thought to himself. _No matter how fucking hot he is! Hell, he probably preaches against EXACTLY what you're fantasizing about._ But it seemed no matter how hard Dean tried to block out his fantasies about the man who he was offering his apartment to, something else about the priest would come to his mind. If it wasn't that warm smile it was his eyes, if not his eyes, his laugh…

Dean and Castiel had come to the door where they could hear muffled groans from inside. They shared a brief worried look to each other, Dean silently apologizing for whatever they were about to walk into, when he unlocked the door and both men entered.

"You son of a God damn bitch! That's why you should've let me-" a deep Cajun accented voice yelled, followed by a clatter of plastic on carpet. A gruff, blonde, giant of a man sat on the dark brown sofa in the living room looking lividly at the television across from him where the red tinged screen displayed the words 'You have died.' He ran his large hands over his face as he groaned angrily, "Damn upitty kids thinkin' they know this damn game."

Dean cleared his throat, snapping the man's attention to Castiel and his presence, "Castiel, this is Benny Lafitte. Roommate and phlebotomist by day, terrible gamer who gets his ass owned by kids online at night."

Benny jumped up from his seat, shame shadowing his features as he walked toward Castiel and extended his hand, "I'm sorry, father. I'd no intention of cursing in front of you. If that kid would've just –"

Castiel took Benny's hand after setting his suitcase next to him, smiling, "I totally understand." His eyes darted to the TV where he gave a short nod, "Been a while since I've played my paladin, but I remember online play well."

Benny's eyes lit up as he turned his attention to Dean, "Hear that?"

Dean's bent his head down and he massaged the bridge of his nose as if stifling a migraine, "You two better not keep me up with that dumb game if that's what you mean." The mechanic took off his work shirt and hung it on the hook of a coat rack near the entrance. He walked past the two toward the kitchen, "Can I get you a beer or anything?" he called back to Castiel.

"Some water would be nice. Thank you, Dean." Castiel turned to Benny, "And thank you for allowing me to stay."

Benny smiled, "Oh, it's no problem. Consider this a small payment toward my spiritual debt to God." The tall man crossed himself, looking briefly skyward.

Dean came back to the living room with a bottle of water, "Here, your room's down this way." He walked toward a small hallway off to the left of living room. Castiel picked up his suitcase and followed him, Benny having returned to his game.

Dean nodded toward a door on his right as they walked down the short hallway, "This here's the bathroom and there," he pointed to a door diagonal from the aforementioned bathroom, "is your room." He opened the door for Castiel and let the man ahead of him.

A full size bed sat in one corner of the room with a corner desk and older looking computer taking up the other side of the room. There was walk in closet that's doors were open to reveal some winter wear stored there. Dean watched as Castiel slowly walked in, setting his suitcase on the bed and resting the guitar case against the bed as he looked around. The smile that Castiel gave him sent a shiver down his neck, "Thank you again, Dean. You're so kind."

Dean made a dismissive wave, handing Castiel the bottle of water with his other hand, "Oh it's nothing. You needed a place to stay, like I was going to let a priest stay out on the streets."

Castiel grabbed for the bottle, his fingers briefly trailing over Dean's, "I'm almost glad you have such a guilt complex, Dean." He smirked. He unscrewed the lid of the bottle and took a drink, Dean's mind briefly wishing he was the bottle of water.

He shook his head and shuffled, his eyes falling on Castiel's guitar case, "So, uh, what kind of stuff do you play?" He was desperate to try to change the subject.

Castiel replaced the cap to the water bottle and set it on the small bedside table, "Well I first learned spirituals naturally, but-"Castiel trailed off as he picked up the case and took out the guitar. Dean had to admit it was a gorgeous instrument. It was a beautiful black that faded to a light blue near the center. Castiel bent his head as he threw the guitar strap over his head. He began to fiddle with the tuning pegs and strummed a few strings, testing their sound. Dean just watched as Castiel checked his guitar, but his eyes flew wide as the priest in front of him began to play of all songs-

"Is that 'Purple Haze'?" Dean asked incredulously after a moment.

Castiel just grinned while he kept playing, after playing up through the chorus of 'Purple Haze' he switched over to 'Sweet Child of Mine'. Dean watched in awe as he expertly picked at the stings, the melody echoing in the small room. He swore he even heard Benny pause Diablo III in the other room so as to hear the priest play. Castiel's unbelievable eyes flashed up to Dean's as he suddenly cut off that song and was instantly began to quickly pick a new tune. Dean felt his mouth open as he stared at Castiel's hands on the instrument, watching him begin to play "Baba O'Riley". _Damn…_ Dean thought, but nearly all coherent thought went out the window in the next second.

" _Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals. I get my back into my living. I don't need to fight, to prove I'm right, I don't need to be forgiven_ …" Castiel sang in a rich, deep voice as he played. Dean's eyes were wide as he watched Castiel stare at his own hands as he played into the chorus, " _Don't cry, don't raise your eye. It's only teenage wasteland…"_ He did a few quick melody changes and then, with a few final strums, stopped playing. He looked up to Dean, as if seeking his approval.

Dean slowly shook his head as he tried to remember how to talk, "W-wow…just, wow."

Castiel took the guitar strap off of him and settled his guitar back into its case reverently, "She's helped me get a few meals. I owe a lot to her." He softly mused; Dean noticed he briefly ran his hand down the neck of the guitar lovingly before he closed the case.

"You're amazing! I would've offered you a five course meal for that kind of playing." Dean said before his mind could regulate what was coming out of his mouth.

Castiel chuckled, rubbing at the back of his neck, "Oh, it just takes lots of practice. And Lord knows I've had time…"

An awkward silence fell between them that was interrupted by Castiel covering his mouth as he yawned. Dean realized suddenly how late it must be, "Oh, uh, well I'll l-leave you here to get settled in. Just let me know if you need anything." He moved to leave.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice chimed as Dean's hand met the door knob. He turned his head to see Castiel's sincere, warm eyes soften in his direction, instantly causing his cheeks to flush, "Thank you again. I owe you for this."

Dean turned his head to look down at his hand as he turned the knob, "Really, it's no problem. G'night." He opened the door and quickly left, hearing Castiel call a goodnight in return as he shut the door behind himself.

Dean took a deep shaky sigh as he leaned back against the door and let his head loll back.

"Oh Dean, you've got it ba~d." Benny's voice softly said, startling Dean who jumped.

He scowled at his roommate who seemed to have been summoned from nowhere to be standing in front of him, struggling to hide a chuckle. Dean's first instinct was to wipe that smug grin off his face with a punch, but reality hit him before he could act on such a ridiculous idea. He let his head fall forward as he ran a hand through his hair, pushing himself off the door with the other. He rolled his shoulders and looked pleadingly to Benny, whispering, "Is it that obvious?"

"'Bout as obvious as the comb on a rooster's head, brother."

Dean sighed, moving towards his room, "Just don't-you know, don't." Was all Dean could muster to say.

Benny smiled at him, nodding, "I got 'ya, brother. No worries. Goodnight." The Cajun turned to head to his own room.

Dean called a 'night' over his shoulder as he entered his own room. He took the three steps it took to reach his bed and face planted onto it, groaning. _That damn priest is gonna be the death of me._ Dean thought to himself as he moved enough to shed his clothes down to his boxers and threw the sheet over himself.

Dean had known he was bisexual since he was in high school, failing at covering up his relationship with the head cheerleader from his boyfriend, the quarterback. He would go through phases of dating women and men, and even though a few had stuck around for a while, something always happened. Cheating, realizing how idiotic the other was, insane possessiveness, what have you. But if one thing was certain to Dean, it was that something, _something_ would ALWAYS come up and fuck up anything good he had going.

Sam had been lucky in finding women, a few breaking his heart, but it seemed like his latest girlfriend he had told him about was a keeper. Jessica and him not only were the same major, but shared a lot of the same interests. _At least some woman out there is a big enough dork for him_ Dean smirked to himself. And from the crummy phone pics Sam had sent him of her she seemed pretty cute too, right up Sam's alley. Dean couldn't wait to have a summer full of giving Sam shit about her. He was sure to have late night phone calls, disgustingly cute texts, and other mushy shit.

 _Lucky bitch_ Dean sighed, laying his arm across his eyes sighing. It had been too long since he had had a relationship with anyone. He'd admit he had buried himself in his work, but he had started to grow tired of the chase. Sure, one of the things he loved about Lawrence was he could relate to David Wooderson from _Dazed and Confused_ , he kept getting older and they (the students) stayed the same age. But if Dean thought about his reality, he _was_ getting older. He just wanted a stable relationship with someone who he didn't have to worry about any stupid drama with. Someone to come home to and not have to worry about them checking his phone or becoming paranoid or that he would have to worry about where they were at.

Dean groaned again as he threw himself around on his bed trying to find somewhere comfortable. _I hope Castiel's alright…Should I check on him?_ Dean's mind drifted to what Castiel could possibly sleep in. He didn't know if his religion was one of the strange ones with "magic underwear" or what not… _maybe he sleeps in the buff?_ Dean squinted his eyes shut as that image danced in his mind, making his cock twitch in wonderment. He needed to quit thinking of Castiel in that way! He just met the guy, but he was so kind, easygoing, and…

…so…

…fucking…

… _hot_ …

Those piercing blue eyes, his killer smile, the ways his eyes crinkled when he laughed. That moan that he made back at the Roadhouse…

Dean was massaging himself before he knew it, unable to stop the onslaught of thoughts he had tried to keep out of his mind. He was rock hard and aching, his mind imagining what Castiel would look like underneath him moaning like he had for that pie. _Mmmm, Castiel covered in cherry pie…_ Dean's cock pulsed at the thought. He could nearly taste it now, licking the red filling off of Castiel's chest…his stomach…his-

"Dammit!" Dean whisper-shouted as he came in his hand, making a mess all over himself. He fumbled around his bed for something to clean himself up with.

 _Jesus, that guy's gonna be the death of me…_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm soooooo sorry about the SUPER late update! I've been so busy and have honestly been distracted by all the other great Destiel fics on here! I plan on working on this more soon, I swear. And I've even got a short fic working itself out in the back of my mind...a first in a certain genre for me too (so preemptive forgiveness if it's shoddy!). For reals though, sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy!

OoO

Castiel couldn't breathe. He threw his body upright, feeling as if he was drowning and had to breach the surface to be able to get to his much desired air. He could still feel the dust and heat on his skin, in his mouth, in his eyes, _everywhere_. His ears rang with the racket, the noise amassing into a loud solidly rumbling boom, shaking the ground all around him.

Tears stung his eyes as he blinked rapidly, focusing on breathing. He knew he was just having another episode. He was in a bed, safe, as far away from there as he could possibly be. He clutched at the St. Michael pendant and cross he wore around his neck, closing his eyes and counting his breaths. "God, grant me the stability to face the day. Show me the way with your grace." Castiel started to chant to himself, his breathing slowly relaxing into nice, even flows. He imagined the ocean, trying to emulate the waves with his breaths.

 _I'm not there._

 _I'm never going back._

 _I am safe._

 _I am home with the Lord at my side._

After what seemed like hours, Castiel let his body slump back onto the bed as his mind was now conscious and taking in his surroundings. The previous day's events pieced themselves together as he tried to contemplate the room he was in. Castiel squinted as he reached over to the bedside table and found his watch he had set there the night before, seeing that it was five in the morning.

 _Well, might as well make myself useful. I won't be falling asleep anytime soon._ Castiel thought as he stood up from the bed, straightening the blankets and straightening his sleep pants that had wrapped around his legs during the night, no doubt due to his tossing and turning. He was used to the dreams anymore, but they still played havoc with not only his mind but his body. After he stretched he took a swig from his water bottle from the night before, heading toward the kitchen.

A small part of Castiel's mind worried he was making himself _too_ much at home, but he had noticed a coffee maker on the counter when he had come in the night before and thought he'd brew a pot for Dean and Benny. He was preparing the coffee in the filter when a shuffle startled him. He jumped, whipping around and his right hand instinctively flying to his hip, coming to the realization that there was nothing there but the waistband of his sleep pants. When he saw it was Dean, he quickly tried to relax, his hand coming to rest over his heart.

Dean had frozen in place, hands flying up to face his palms towards Castiel, "Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"You're fine, Dean. I just wasn't expecting company this early." Castiel responded, letting his hand fall down to his side as his body relaxed. Dean was wearing an old black tee shirt and pair of dark gray basketball shorts that rode a little low on his hips. Castiel had to look away so he wasn't gawking at the poor man. _His girlfriend must love that shirt…_ He thought to himself as he noticed just how tight it hugged his muscular chest.

Dean's eyes narrowed and moved down Castiel's chest, causing Castiel to feel a little exposed…and a little turned on. He shook the vulgar thoughts from his head as he shifted a step backwards toward the counter. His gaze dropped to his chest where Dean's eyes seemed transfixed.

Dean slowly walked closer to Castiel, nodding toward his chest, "Nice tattoo. Never known a priest to have any tats…"

Castiel gave a short huff, "Well, now you do know one." He looked up and tried to stifle the shiver that ran through him as Dean's eyes seemed transfixed on his chest. He came so close to him that Castiel could faintly feel his breath on his exposed skin. Those eyes were so _green_ …

"Is that…" Dean started, lifting a hand to gesture to the top of the design.

Castiel glanced down and nodded, "Soldiers…and that was my squad's division." Castiel pointed toward the numbers below the image emblazoned on his chest.

He could remember the day he got the tattoo done like it was yesterday. It was in black and gray and he knew he wanted it right above his heart, to remind him to keep going for his comrades. The feather was about five inches long with a slight curve, the top half of the feather faded into the image of soldiers marching; below he had his squad's division and the date that his world went spinning out of control.

He could see Dean's eyes darken as they moved back up to meet his own. He blinked at him, Castiel tried to smile at him to soften the moment, but like anytime that he was reminded of his squad, it was hard.

"I-…I had no idea…" Dean started, shuffling a bit backwards.

Castiel managed a shrug as he turned back towards the coffee he had started, "I gave you no impression beforeha-"

"Damn." Dean interrupted in an almost breathless voice, Castiel remembering his back suddenly. He almost forgot his most impressive tattoos, his full back black and gray wings.

Castiel turned his head over shoulder to look at Dean as he started to brew the pot of coffee, "I hope you're not offended, Dean."

Dean's face seemed to have lighten up as their conversation had continued, "Nah man, it's just…wow, that is- those are awesome."

Castiel could feel a chill run down his spine as he saw Dean's emerald eyes scan his back, he could feel his whole body flush at the inspection. It was almost as if Dean was running his hands down his back…"I would hope so with how much it cost." Castiel's lips twitched in another attempt at a smile.

Dean reciprocated his smile, Castiel's stomach seeming to float momentarily in his body at the sight, "Where did you get the work done?"

Castiel couldn't take watching Dean's handsome features locked on his any longer and turned around to busy himself with looking for coffee mugs, "Back in Virginia, right before I was taken in by my home church."

Dean walked over and opened up a cabinet to Castiel's left and pulled out three coffee mugs, "Whoever did them did a great job. They're amazing." Dean grinned at him, offering him one of the coffee mugs. Even tinged with sleep, Dean's grins must make the girls of Lawrence weak in the knees Castiel thought. He took the offered mug from Dean and cupped his hands around it.

"Thank you, Dean." Castiel replied, focusing on the mug in his hand so as not to get lost in Dean's warm eyes.

The coffee pot sputtered to a stop which seemed to awaken the two men from the quiet moment that had fallen over them. Dean moved to the fridge to pull out a carton of coffee creamer. Castiel moved away from the coffee pot to let Dean have the first cup.

"So, where did you serve?" Dean asked, trying to stay nonchalant about the subject as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He stepped back as he added the creamer to his mug and Castiel took his place to pour himself a cup.

"Afghanistan. Army. Only there for two years though." Castiel mumbled, setting the pot back on the burner.

Dean nodded solemnly, taking a few testing sips of his coffee and leaning back against the counter. Castiel mirrored his movements, taking a small sip of his black coffee.

"My dad was a marine…Served five years before coming home…" Dean stared into his coffee mug, gently swirling it, "What-…what brought you back so soon?"

Castiel's eyes closed as he thought back to the moment, his jaw tightening involuntarily. He nearly jumped again when Dean's hand came to rest on his shoulder.

"Hey, you don't have to- I mean, I-…We can drop it." Dean's eyes held so much care in them it nearly took Castiel's breath away. His strong hand on his shoulder helped ground him back into reality. He lifted his own free hand and gripped onto Dean's strong, calloused hand on his shoulder.

"I-I would appreciate that." Castiel said giving Dean's hand a quick squeeze. Castiel internally wished that Dean didn't take his hand away, the warmth was so nice on his skin…

"Well mornin', boys. Who made the coffee?" Benny's voice broke the silence. He stumbled into the kitchen and blinked at Castiel, taking in his tattoos in silent shock.

Castiel offered a smile to Benny, "I hope you don't mind, I thought-"

Benny's face broke into a large, sweet smile in return, "Nah, father. Anybody who brews a pot this early is definitely on my good side." He walked over to the counter and grabbed the last mug and coffee creamer and began to prepare himself a mug.

The three men started talking about what their plans were for the day. Benny had work and Dean was planning on leaving to pick up Sam from KCI. Castiel planned on heading to a local church and talking to the priest there about any leads on work and what he could do to help out the church.

Soon the coffee pot was drained and the men were dispersing to attend to their plans. Castiel knew that he was in desperate need of prayer…especially for the fiendish images of Dean that still danced in his head. That shirt he wore this morning was sinfully tight, making him want to feel just how taut those muscles underneath it were. And the way his shorts had sat on his hips made him wish he could just pull them down a little farther to see those sharp hipbones in their full glory…

 _Oh Lord, help me. I can't stop having these vulgar feelings for this man who was kind enough to let me into his home. He surely can't feel the same, and I certainly shouldn't be imagining such awful things…But Lord, you sure did a wonderful job on him._ Castiel thought to himself, giving a wistful sigh at the memory of those sleep-soft green eyes.


End file.
